what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
