Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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