remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
