I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
