respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
