Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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