I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
