he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
