Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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