it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
try to milk me bitch
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