he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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