my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
