What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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