I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
