she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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