And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
