she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
