so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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