They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
