i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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