I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
