You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
