which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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