these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
