Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
