There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize