I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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