How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
