when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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