WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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