the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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