as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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