carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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