I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
