Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
