White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
