so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
