I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
