Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
