Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
