I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
