i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
