We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
