She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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