so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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