And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
