Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
