wrigley field is MILF paradise
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
