you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
