Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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