So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Shame - the story of my life.
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