I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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