you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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