the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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