Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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