Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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