Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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