oh god the rape fog is back!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
