i just wanna soil my oats bro
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have fence marks all over my body
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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