Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
