well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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