am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
