the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
