Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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