you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
