I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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