the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
