You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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