I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
