I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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