i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
