I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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