: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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