Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
