It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
