mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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