so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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