He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
