I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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