ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
