Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
