Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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