Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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